Expectations

They say expectations will kill me...but there are certain things I expect from others. And they're not about being entitled. Most of them cost the other person absolutely nothing. I expect people to be considerate of others. I expect to hear please and thank you. I also expect people in my immediate circle to actually genuinely care about me. I expect if a church or group has an event that involves physical, outdoor activities, that they will provide water for the participants. That's all. Just water. Not food or soda or anything extra like that. Just enough water to get through the event. Not just after the event is over. I recently went to an event where that was usually the case. Maybe they let me drink their water before and during the event before because I was one of their willing clones. My eyes have been opened recently several times about who they really are. They don't care about other people's need's, only their own....unless, of course, they're going to be praised in some way for it. They value rules over love and grace. Well, that's not what they say, but you know the old saying, actions speak louder than words. Well, they're actions are speaking so loudly that I have quit hearing anything they say. Cause their words don't match their actions. They tend to have a lot of extra rules that you don't even know exist until you break one. They never make an exception even if someone has a genuine need.  Their rules are more important than someone's physical health. I've decided not to name this church, but many of you reading will guess and guess correctly. And you may think, why am I making such a big deal over such a little thing. That's exactly my point. It's such a little thing. No big deal. Just water, but we're going to make an uncaring rule about it instead of making sure we have plenty of water. There have been other things in the past that have all added up to my conclusions. I'd heard these things about them before, but I was going to spend enough time there to decided for myself. I don't let other people decide for me. I am glad that people told me what they told me, though. That way when I started seeing it I didn't think I was just crazy. I know what I experienced there and it isn't even why I left. It's so easy to get wrapped up in it when you're too close. I left because I had left another church to go there. Because I was scared. I didn't want a church full of non-alcoholics telling me how to do recovery. So shortly before I got 3 years sober I felt it was time to go back. So, I did. I had every intention of continuing to go to Celebrate Recovery there,  but to put it mildly I didn't feel welcome there. Just like I did not feel welcome when I was going to my own church and going to the other church for Celebrate Recovery. It's okay, cause I didn't really get sober in that program anyway. I just went there while I was doing another program that saved my life. I just really expected them to be happy for me. That I now felt safe to return to the church God led me to when I first moved to Spokane, but nope. Not good enough. One of the things I learned while going through this is that I can't change other people, but what I can do is walk away. And I have. I'm fully part of Real Life Ministries North Spokane. They never really did anything wrong. All they ever did was try to help me and I ran. But I'm so glad I'm back. I'm much more at peace there, cause I'm accepted, exactly as I am.