The World According to Jewel Paparazzo
I'm sure you're wondering who Jewel Paparazzo is. She's a cat. She's about 10 years old. We have another cat named Mercy. She's just about 4 or 5 months old. She was a stray so we're not exactly sure. To introduce you to the rest of the family, of course, we have me, Shellie. We also have my 14 year old daughter, Chloe. And then there's Aunt Lis (Elizabeth Paparazzo) and Uncle Roger Paparazzo. Yes, we have a very non-traditional family. It works. I also have 2 other kids. Angela is 16 and Jeremiah is 18. They both live with their dad, aka, my ex-husband. I'm going to do a blog for each of them. Well, the one's that live here in our crazy, happy non-traditional family. Why am I starting with Jewel, you ask? Well, she's the oldest cat in the house, therefore she's the Queen. All cat owners will understand.
I'm Jewel. I am in charge of this household. They seem to think they own me, but they are sadly mistaken. I own them. I was Chloe's birthday present when she was 4 years old. I love her parents, but I'm not sure Chloe was ready for me, yet. She frequently carried me by one leg, my tail, or by strangulation. I knew she didn't mean to hurt me and I never scratched or bit her. Well, back then, anyway. Now's a different story.
Now she knows better, but she still does things I don't like. She quit strangling me. She quit carrying me by one leg. She doesn't even carry me by my tail. However she does lay on me and she calls this love. It's irritating, but I put up with it for a little bit...and then, when I've really had enough I yowl and bite or scratch her. Whichever's most convenient. I don't think she gets that I'm not impressed with this and do not consider it loving. And yet I miss that girl when she's gone. And at the same time it's very nice to lay on grandma's bed for hours undisturbed. Except for the occasional petting. Grandma Shellie doesn't lay on me, so I definitely appreciate that. Neither do the other adult humans. My servants. They don't always obey. I would be fed a lot more often if I could figure out how to open that container with my food in it. And I would live entirely on fish. Fresh fish, mind you. And there would be no kittens. Grandma seems to be obsessed with kittens. First there was the stray in Moscow. They named it Tuna. It had an owner, but grandma didn't like him. He left the cat outside all the time and didn't even have food outside. At first she thought he was a stray, because he was skinnier than he should have been. Turns out he had an owner. He was just an idiot. He also refused to have him neutered cause he thought it was cruel. Grandma was unimpressed, but she let him have him back anyway. But I had to share my tuna fish, cause she still fed him. Thank God we moved away from there. Well, I didn't think it was good when we first moved. First they removed all of my sleeping places from my house. Then, they even took my stuff. Thank God they took me with it. I was beginning to worry. But they put me in that terrible cage and in that strange small house that moves. I think I've heard them refer to it as a car. I have no idea why they like these things. They move way too fast and make me nauseous. Once they took me on a long trip and I puked on someone they call Jeremiah. He screamed. What did he expect? Anyway, when we got to this new place it was empty. I could not understand why they would want to move in to an empty house. But then it got really scary. All these strange people showed up with boxes and furniture. The first night my servants slept on couches and on the floor. I don't know why they didn't just set up the beds. They did not do that until the next day. And there was something else odd about that house. At the other house I had to go outside to go under the house. They had stairs to under the house and it was all concrete down there. I have no idea why they would put concrete under the house. I didn't like it. There were no mice to hunt. But we were a long ways away from Tuna and all was well with my world until the fateful day that Angela brought Zelda home. This annoying little gray kitten. Again with the kittens. I thought for sure grandma would put her foot down over this one. But no, she started talking about getting kitten food and what we were going to name her. Like, I said, kittens seem to cast some sort of evil spell on this woman. That thing had the nerve to play with me and I received from grandma the nickname Madame hiss-a-lot, whatever that means. Shortly after that grandma started with the boxes again and some people came and once again, taking away all my sleeping things. I thought, oh no. Not again. Thankfully the car ride was a lot shorter this time, but the animal situation was worse. At first Zelda was not there. She disappeared to that other place where the children went every other weekend and about half the holidays every year. But there was another creature at this house. At first I thought he was just a really ugly cat, but they said he was a dog. He smelled really weird and made funny noises. I really didn't like him, but I got used to him. And just about the time I got used to him Zelda came back with Angela. Zelda then left when Angela went to live in that other house more permanently. So, the ugly cat/dog was still there, but thank God no more kittens. Then, one day grandma left with that horrible cage, but it was empty...it didn't come home empty. Again with the kittens!!! Yes, she brought home another one! This one is just as annoying as Zelda and insists on playing with my tail and sleeping in my sleeping spots. They named her Mercy, I think because I have had mercy on her and have not killed her yet. Just threatened, too. And she's even more stubborn than Zelda was and won't back down. But what was with grandma and the kittens!!! But then I suppose I should be grateful. Cause I was a kitten once and she brought me home, too. Thank God grandma loves kittens or who knows where I would have ended up. Even though I don't always love the decisions she makes, she gave me a loving home. Not a perfect home, but a loving homs. Oh, and the ugly cat/dog he disappeared one day and strangely enough I actually kind of miss him. Even if he did smell weird.
I'm Jewel. I am in charge of this household. They seem to think they own me, but they are sadly mistaken. I own them. I was Chloe's birthday present when she was 4 years old. I love her parents, but I'm not sure Chloe was ready for me, yet. She frequently carried me by one leg, my tail, or by strangulation. I knew she didn't mean to hurt me and I never scratched or bit her. Well, back then, anyway. Now's a different story.
Now she knows better, but she still does things I don't like. She quit strangling me. She quit carrying me by one leg. She doesn't even carry me by my tail. However she does lay on me and she calls this love. It's irritating, but I put up with it for a little bit...and then, when I've really had enough I yowl and bite or scratch her. Whichever's most convenient. I don't think she gets that I'm not impressed with this and do not consider it loving. And yet I miss that girl when she's gone. And at the same time it's very nice to lay on grandma's bed for hours undisturbed. Except for the occasional petting. Grandma Shellie doesn't lay on me, so I definitely appreciate that. Neither do the other adult humans. My servants. They don't always obey. I would be fed a lot more often if I could figure out how to open that container with my food in it. And I would live entirely on fish. Fresh fish, mind you. And there would be no kittens. Grandma seems to be obsessed with kittens. First there was the stray in Moscow. They named it Tuna. It had an owner, but grandma didn't like him. He left the cat outside all the time and didn't even have food outside. At first she thought he was a stray, because he was skinnier than he should have been. Turns out he had an owner. He was just an idiot. He also refused to have him neutered cause he thought it was cruel. Grandma was unimpressed, but she let him have him back anyway. But I had to share my tuna fish, cause she still fed him. Thank God we moved away from there. Well, I didn't think it was good when we first moved. First they removed all of my sleeping places from my house. Then, they even took my stuff. Thank God they took me with it. I was beginning to worry. But they put me in that terrible cage and in that strange small house that moves. I think I've heard them refer to it as a car. I have no idea why they like these things. They move way too fast and make me nauseous. Once they took me on a long trip and I puked on someone they call Jeremiah. He screamed. What did he expect? Anyway, when we got to this new place it was empty. I could not understand why they would want to move in to an empty house. But then it got really scary. All these strange people showed up with boxes and furniture. The first night my servants slept on couches and on the floor. I don't know why they didn't just set up the beds. They did not do that until the next day. And there was something else odd about that house. At the other house I had to go outside to go under the house. They had stairs to under the house and it was all concrete down there. I have no idea why they would put concrete under the house. I didn't like it. There were no mice to hunt. But we were a long ways away from Tuna and all was well with my world until the fateful day that Angela brought Zelda home. This annoying little gray kitten. Again with the kittens. I thought for sure grandma would put her foot down over this one. But no, she started talking about getting kitten food and what we were going to name her. Like, I said, kittens seem to cast some sort of evil spell on this woman. That thing had the nerve to play with me and I received from grandma the nickname Madame hiss-a-lot, whatever that means. Shortly after that grandma started with the boxes again and some people came and once again, taking away all my sleeping things. I thought, oh no. Not again. Thankfully the car ride was a lot shorter this time, but the animal situation was worse. At first Zelda was not there. She disappeared to that other place where the children went every other weekend and about half the holidays every year. But there was another creature at this house. At first I thought he was just a really ugly cat, but they said he was a dog. He smelled really weird and made funny noises. I really didn't like him, but I got used to him. And just about the time I got used to him Zelda came back with Angela. Zelda then left when Angela went to live in that other house more permanently. So, the ugly cat/dog was still there, but thank God no more kittens. Then, one day grandma left with that horrible cage, but it was empty...it didn't come home empty. Again with the kittens!!! Yes, she brought home another one! This one is just as annoying as Zelda and insists on playing with my tail and sleeping in my sleeping spots. They named her Mercy, I think because I have had mercy on her and have not killed her yet. Just threatened, too. And she's even more stubborn than Zelda was and won't back down. But what was with grandma and the kittens!!! But then I suppose I should be grateful. Cause I was a kitten once and she brought me home, too. Thank God grandma loves kittens or who knows where I would have ended up. Even though I don't always love the decisions she makes, she gave me a loving home. Not a perfect home, but a loving homs. Oh, and the ugly cat/dog he disappeared one day and strangely enough I actually kind of miss him. Even if he did smell weird.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete